Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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