Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
