Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
