why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
