I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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