i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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