she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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