eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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