the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize