I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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