omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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