He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
