I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
