like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
