so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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