Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
