i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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