It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
