she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
