That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
