i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize