"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
