ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sacagawea was the original milf.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
