how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
