I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
