She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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