lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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