I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
