So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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