I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
