It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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