i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
