I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
