My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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