You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My feet surprised me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
