I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize