...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
