i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
