Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
