Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
