You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
