I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
