Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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