3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
