well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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