i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
