I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
