Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
