Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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