sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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