I cut my penus on the lid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're like the curious george of whores
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
