So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
