Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
