My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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