Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
