I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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