I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
