Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize