He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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