she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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