in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
