My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
