The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
