Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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