I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
