you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
