i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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