it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize