i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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