Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
