Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
