Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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