But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
