How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
