This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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