I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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