"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
